I'm no Martha Stewart

I love cakes. Wedding cakes, birthday cakes, six-figure Bar Mitzvah/Sweet-16/Quinceanera cakes. I can sit and watch Ace of Cakes and Cake Boss for hours. When Sandra Lee creates a cake that serves as the center piece for her tablescape I am on cloud 9. I love to read blogs about cakes and day dream about the cakes I'll make for my children - while I'm serving their 4 layer Lego themed masterpiece and another mom asks me where I bought it, I will casually say "Oh, I made it."

Now to the point of my blog post (and it has nothing to do in medical school). Yesterday was L's birthday. And naturally, I was beyond excited to create a masterpiece.

I went to 3 different stores to get the appropriate supplies. Icing, tubes of decorative icing, sprinkles, candles, etc. L's favorite is the "white" cakes mix and it really does make a nice cake - it looks very clean. You use 1 1/4 cups water, 1/2 cup vegetable oil, and 3 egg whites. After 30 minutes and 6 broken eggs, I had my egg whites ready to go. Add the water, plug in the electric mixer and my two 8 inch round cakes were in the oven.

Fast forward an hour to allow for appropriate cooling time. After stacking the cakes (the top of the bottom cake sliced to create an even surface - the hours I've spent watching Food Network finally paid off), it was my time to shine. I had the "white confetti icing" and I took my time creating the perfect lines and swirls in the icing. Only to get half way done and run out of icing. Crap. Had to go to Harris Teeter and of course they didn't have the same icing. I purchased the "white, whipped and fluffy HT Traders special." Back at home I discover I have white and off-white icing. Crap. Now my cake is two-toned. Nothing decorations can't hide, right? So I go to use my decorative icing in a tube much like tooth paste for "easy decorating." As I'm reading the decorations I discover you need to purchase the decorative tips. Of course I didn't buy them. So now I am forced to decorate with a cylinder tube of hot pink icing. It resembles a turd. So I throw on copious amount of confetti and sprinkles and take a step back. I have been working on this cake for 4 hrs now.

Instead of looking like a masterpiece it looks like a clown threw up on it. The Gosselin kids could have done better. It might as well have been decorated by Helen Keller (too far?). Tears are welling up in my eyes

But, the party must go on. I transport the disaster over to L's, blasting the AC on high to prevent melting. Like it would have mattered. I walk into L's only to discover her friends have purchased a HT red velvet cake. Great. Now my disaster has to sit next to a professional cake for the evening. I'm sure my cake felt like it was being judged Mean Girls style. I tried to create a birthday cake throw down Bobby Flay style, but no one was interested. I think they didn't want to hurt my feelings.

I came home holding on to the fact that at least L had a good time. As I walked in the kitchen my mom asked my why 1/2 cup of vegetable oil was sitting on the counter. Oh, that's easy - I forgot one of the 3 ingredients. I thought it tasted different. FML.

So I will apologize to my kids now. You will be eating Shitty Kitty (that's Food Lion) sheet cakes for every birthday.